I'm anxious.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm frustrated.
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I'm anxious about and overwhelmed with preparing for someone other than me to care for our two girls at home while I'm away for what could be two months when their sister arrives. That's a huge deal when I consider just how much I do to keep my family and home organized, functioning and thriving. I'm anxious about Baby Girl's arrival. I'm overwhelmed by all of the unknown ahead. And there's a lot of it. I'm frustrated that by the time I pick Ab up at school I have no energy for anything other than laying down to rest while she snacks and watches her favorite PBS shows. I'm frustrated that I often don't have the energy (or desire) to prepare a healthy dinner for my family so we resort to what's quick and easy, which, too often, equals unhealthy. I'm frustrated that I have little to no energy to invest in my husband at the end of our busy, long days. But...I'm grateful. I'm grateful that these tough, emotional days are truly few and far between. I'm grateful that my feelings of being anxious, overwhelmed and frustrated really are fleeting at best. And I'm SO grateful that these feelings, when I do have them, don't ever change who God is. He is constant. He is loving. He is here. He cares about all of the details of my life. Always. My feelings don't change that. Nothing changes that.
I'm also grateful for a husband who loves and listens and supports and occasionally completely surprises me with a huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers like this one when I need it most. Impeccable timing, Babe. Thank you. I sure love you so!
1 comment:
When I think about what I can imagine you are going through, with the realization that I don't have an ACTUAL clue.... I know that I would be so torn apart. You may be having breakdowns and that is PERFECTLY acceptable, but you are also carrying this load with GRACE that amazes so many of us. It's VERY apparent that God is carrying you through. There is NOTHING wrong with the having minutes, hours, days, or WEEKS of meltdowns! This IS a heavy load. This IS an emotionally overwhelming time of uncertainty, countless decisions, AND heartache. It is even a time of grief...over loss of time with your big girls. BUT BUT BUT BUT (times a million)....you are so right...God is still God and He is beyond amazing. He will carry you. He already is! You are also going through a time of beauty...watching the miracles of God take place right inside of you, seeing His provision on multiple levels, seeing the blessings of a Christ-centered home and marriage. Just remember that if you weren't such an amazing mother and so connected to your husband/children...the separation wouldn't be quite as difficult. THAT is beautiful motherhood. You, my friend, are walking it!
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